How to Restore Trust in People After Being Hurt

When someone you love or care about betrays you, learning to trust them again—if you even want to—takes time and work on both sides. While protecting yourself and your emotions after being hurt may seem like the appropriate thing to do, not being able to trust can cause problems in other key relationships in your life, as well as future ones.

It's understandable that moving forward is difficult. In this essay, I'll show you how to mend and regain confidence in others.

How to Restore Trust in People After Being Hurt

How do you know if you can trust someone again?

You are the only one who can decide whether or not moving forward is in your best interests. Consider the following questions:

• "Did this person breach my trust on purpose?"
• "Did this person acknowledge their error, or did I learn about it from someone else?"
• "Can the indiscretion in question be excused?"
• Your journey forward will be determined by your responses to these questions.

Remember that you are under no responsibility to be deeply linked with this person, regardless of how they previously fit into your life (parent, sibling, closest friend, coworker, etc.). If they've betrayed your trust, you're the only one who can determine whether or not you want to keep a connection with them on your terms.

Only you have the power to forgive and go on.

Understand that forgiveness comes from within if you've resolved to work on forgiving the individual who has mistreated you. People make errors. While we are all human, that motto does not imply that they deserve another opportunity.

Consider whether this person has previously broken your trust. Is this the first time they've betrayed your trust in your relationship, or has this been a worrying pattern of behavior?

You may make an evidence-based choice with complete confidence once you analyze the circumstances of the indiscretion in question. It's fine to take as much time as you need to make your decision.

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8 Ways to Restore Trust in People

If you've resolved to forgive and trust people again, here are some suggestions for making the process easier for you.

1. Prioritize yourself

While we should always put ourselves first, we frequently realize we have been putting the needs of others ahead of our own after being injured by someone we love or care about. Use this period of clarity to repair your most essential relationship: your relationship with yourself.

Recognize any insecurities you may have disregarded in order to concentrate on another individual. Work on overcoming your fears.

How to Restore Trust in People After Being Hurt

Perhaps you've struggled with trust in other aspects of your life, such as your ability to trust yourself and your decisions. Work on making well-informed decisions and not second-guessing yourself. Put your focus on the individuals who have always had your best interests at heart, as well as the activities that are most meaningful to you, such as a unique hobby or exercise.

You'll feel more in touch with your thoughts and feelings if you listen to your body and create faith in yourself.

2. Make Your Expectations Known

It's critical to express your expectations for your relationships with people.

If someone has betrayed your confidence, let them know what you expect of them in the future. Let them know you've lost faith in them and that you need time to recover. Explain how they betrayed your trust and how they might earn it back.

You'll know you've found the answer when you communicate your expectations to others and they fail to meet them.

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3. Establish Clear Limits

Setting limits in any relationship, including your connection with yourself, is critical. "Boundaries can be defined as the limits we create with other people, which show what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior toward us," according to Psychology Today.

Inform the person who has betrayed the confidence of your boundaries. Make it clear to them which actions you will not tolerate, such as lying or not revealing the whole truth. Then keep yourself accountable for adhering to the boundaries you've established.

Allowing yourself to be manipulated by the individual will only lead to an endless loop of forgiving the same transgressions. Stick to your boundaries once you've set them.

How to Restore Trust in People After Being Hurt

4. Recognize that trust-building takes time.

You have to start over after your trust has been destroyed. Rebuilding trust takes time, and no one's approach is the same—or takes the same amount of time.

Allow no one to persuade you that you simply need to "move on." Those folks aren't looking out for your best interests, or they don't know how to set effective boundaries in their own life.

Take as much time as you need to reestablish your trust in that person or in people in general moving ahead. It's fine if you need extra time to come to terms with their suffering.

Inform the specific person, as well as anyone else in the future, that they must respect your space and give you time to rebuild trust. That will be respected by the appropriate persons.

5. Recognize and Be Open About Your Triggers

If you've been harmed before, you may feel uneasy in certain settings in ways that others may not understand or connect to. Just because someone doesn't understand why you're feeling a certain way doesn't imply your feelings aren't genuine.

Perhaps you're relearning how to date, and seeing the person who harmed you out at a bar sends all of your previous sentiments flooding back, causing you emotional distress. Tell your friends and family that seeing that individual makes you uncomfortable and that you'd rather keep your distance.

Good friends will always have your back, making sure you're never in the same place as the person who harmed you when you don't want to be.

Communicating your triggers can help you become more comfortable with the uncomfortable and will aid you in your healing path in any future relationships.

Even if the individual did nothing wrong, letting them know that what they said or did hurt you will help the two of you work toward more open and honest communication in the future and avoid repeat blunders. And they'll understand why you behaved the way you did, as well as how to stay true to themselves while avoiding the words or actions you'd like them to avoid in the future.

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6. Consult a Licensed Psychologist

Some persons who have experienced more severe trauma may be unable to identify their triggers in many circumstances. A qualified therapist trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can assist you in identifying your triggers, labeling the feelings connected with them, and then processing them so that your brain can no longer perceive something or someone as a threat.

Talk therapy, also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help you find practical solutions to the underlying causes of your lack of trust in others. Speaking with a professional can assist you as you begin to recover from the trauma of being injured by someone you care about.

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7. The actions of others will reveal everything you need to know.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them," a wise man once said.

You may be apprehensive and overly careful as you learn to trust people again. While it's tempting to believe others' words and assume that they've changed and won't hurt you in the same manner again, keep an eye on their actions for signs of change.

Are they reverting to their old patterns? Are they paying attention to you when you tell them about your triggers? The actions of others will tell you everything you need to know about their trustworthiness. They're right.

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8. Make a commitment to starting over, whatever that means for you.

Many people will tell you that beginning over is the best way to start, and that you should forgive and forget. No one but you will comprehend the road you're on to regain your faith in people.

Starting over can take several forms, including removing specific people from your life, even if only temporarily, forgiving the person who has mistreated you while going on with clear and established boundaries, or a combination of the two. All of these are viable options for starting afresh with a clean slate.

How to Restore Trust in People After Being Hurt

Last Thoughts

Taking the chance that people would not injure you is a part of life. You can't enjoy the nice things in life if you're constantly on guard. It takes time and works to relearn how to trust people, and no two paths are alike.

Whatever path you choose in life, remember that while some people feel that everyone deserves a second chance, the decision is ultimately yours.

Keep Learning

If that sounds like fun to you, click here to watch a video presentation about this relationship enhancement tool.

It's something you can learn once but then use for the rest of your life.